“You have a boyfriend? Oh that’s funny, I never asked…”

I need to get this off my chest! What is it with women who feel the need to air the fact that they have a boyfriend immediately after you have just met them? 

You know the scenario, you’re in a bar, a gym, or shop and you get chatting to a woman. With other things on your mind at the time, you are just being friendly – smiling a lot just as much as you would chatting to someone of the same sex, making jokes, maybe asking them about themselves (ok that part doesn’t count for the shop thing perhaps!) And the  next thing 30 seconds to a few minutes in, out of nowhere, and completely out of context to the conversation they say something like “Yeah, me and my BOYFRIEND once got the shop together…that was crazy.” You’re like oh god, here we go again. If you are lucky enough at this point, or unlucky enough which ever way you look at it, you can meet that with a confident and smarmy, 

“Oh yeah, me and my GIRLFRIEND get to that mall all the time, we’re just pros at it by now…” But if you are single, you just have to nod and put on the ‘stuck on’ fake smile. Oh lovely, I’m sure he’s wonderful, hang on, now you’ve said that I’ll just have to move away – after all, the only reason I was talking to you was because I just fancied you so much I couldn’t keep away. 

In fact, I was hoping to have wild sex with you right now, behind this shop shelter – and then I was planning to knock you up, shotgun wedding and a life of bliss. I already have our kids names planned in my head too! What a pity you have a boyfriend.

This is no joke! It actually happened to me yesterday night at the bar,  after I smiled at a girl.

SMILED! I smile at everyone when I’m pissed! I heard her saying really loudly to her friend something about having a boyfriend when I turned my head away from smiling. Her exact words were ‘I have a boyfriend’ actually. Now I might be being  paranoid here, but trust me, I am pretty sure it was said for my benefit!

Another thing I would like to air while I am here, is people who are ‘always to usually’ in relationships, who try and give perpetually single people like me, advice about finding someone. Although I talk about relationships and finding love quite a bit in the philosophical sense, part of me is really non-committal and also I am majorly picky. It will take a pretty special woman to get me to settle down (which was close twice or three times as you all now). I have been single for 23 years and been in relationships for what adds up to about 8 years all together. 


All of those girls had something about them that I really, really liked – but it just didn’t work out in the end, and I took it hard when we broke up because I actually really cared about them. If I wanted ‘any old girl’ I could settle for any old girl and then I wouldn’t have to listen to unwelcome advice from my friends, who I love I really do and I know they mean well (they will read this too haha!), about how I should act and also different tips on how I should ‘treat’ a girl (don't tell them your feelings, and man up and don't show them how much you care, you know they are only made up by someone who has spent their whole life in one relationship and have no idea what being single is like!) I truly believe alot more boys settle then they admit even to themselves and other people. 
There are the rare few that just find their perfect match straight away. Thats really cool. 

But then there is the other side of the coin (which I conveniently forget due to my grass is always greener on the other side, outlook) Because I am single I don’t have to worry about anyone else – I can go away travelling this summer, which I am doing in few days as you all my friends know, without worrying about missing someone. I am not constantly worried that they are going to break up with me. 

No one can take away my happiness and leave me plunged into the depths of despair because no one really has that power over me. 

I don’t have to endure horrible little arguments about petty things. Or worry that my woman would cheat on me, as the old once did, I can have the lovely hope of meeting my ideal person some day soon. 

I have not settled just yet. I get to have my own opinion, my own money – wear what I want, see who I like, shag who I desire, I’m free to see my friends every night – not just three nights a week when I’m not with my girlfriend/wife. I get to give my all to my friends when I’m with them, not just half my brain. I give my all to every situation I’m in because every moment I’m living completely as myself, not an extension of anyone else. 

I know myself inside out – I love my own company and I am confident going travelling alone because of the amount of time in my life I have been single and completely independent. I am a free spirit. Put nicely, until I find a woman who is also a free spirit, down to earth and with a great sense of humour, someone who has much the same morals and values I have, then being single is ultimately better for me as a person. 

Yeah I may moan about the need I feel to have a daughter because everyone I know seems to get offers left, right and centre, but this doesn’t mean I want someone!! I do take relationships seriously, but thats only because I think you shouldn’t be with someone unless you girls make one another happy at least 95% of the time! 

Maybe that comes across as desperate, I dunno. I’ve never been good at being the mysterious type of a guy, If it means I’m single forever so be it, but one thing I’ve started to realise is, I’d rather be me, single, then change for a woman.

Hmmm maybe next time I can throw in really early that I have a dog… “Yeah the other day me and my dog were getting shopping…” And she’ll be like, ahhhh game over, I really liked him as well…